'Twas the Night Before Halloween

'Tis the Eve of the Eve.  All Hallows Eve, that is.  Yes, tomorrow is Halloween, the time of ghosts and ghouls, princesses and ballerinas, ninja warriors and transformers.

Halloween has become my favorite holiday.  Usually it's spent watching television and answering the door once or twice.  There aren't many trick-or-treaters in our neighborhood, so a big bag of candy would last for years...if not eaten by my own g-kids.  But a tradition of watching favorite Halloween movies is as good as it gets.

This year I've chosen two movies.  Hocus Pocus and Practical Magic.  After all, it is the season of the witch.

I remember walking through my neighborhood as a child, accompanied by the older next-door-neighbors, collecting a large paper bag of goodies that seemed to last forever.  My mother nearly always made my costumes.  Homemade were always the best.  I was a monkey, a bride, a clown, and more than I can remember.  There are home movies I can watch, if I really wanted to a list.  Maybe next year.  The most

memorable Halloween was the year I was a Pilgrim/Dutch Girl.  Yeah, a bit weird, but the costume resembled that of a Pilgrim, complete with a yellow pig-tail wig, and those older-than-me neighbor's let me borrow their grandmother's wooden shoes for the evening.  They weren't all that comfortable, either.  We stayed within our own block, both across the street and the street behind us.  Two blocks of goodies, and everyone had something to pass out.  As we approached one house, a witch appeared from the side of it, scaring me.  I truly believed it was an old, scary witch, and I took off running for home and screaming.  In the process of trying to run in a pair of too-small wooden shoes, I lost my hat and my wig, arriving home frantic, crying, and shouting that a witch had tried to get us.  My dad looked at me and said, "Looks like you lost your hair and hat, too."  Devastated that I'd lost part of my costume, I begged him to go back for it, but to watch out for the witch.  I waited, afraid the witch would catch him, but he returned some fifteen minutes later, with Pilgrim hat and wig in hand.

I hit the age of twelve, grew up, and had just moved to a small town.  Life changed and so did Halloween.  But life in that particular town was exciting.  Pumpkin patches were raided, and the main street was littered with smashed pumpkins.  An outhouse or two was stolen and placed in the center of town.  Small fires and bales of hay littered the street.  Costumes?  Who needed them?  They'd have only been covered with eggs.  By the Halloween of my senior year in high school, the Sheriff's Department sent officers on horseback to corral the destruction.  But we were smarter and managed to make Halloween memorable.

I married, had children, and found myself creating costumes for my own girls, just as my mother had for me.  We often used items we already had or old fabric left from my childhood.  My youngest's first Halloween was spent as a Gypsy, created from odds and end of clothing we had.

Over time, as more daughters were born and became old enough to knock on doors, we went along with one of their cousins, in the tiny country town near where we lived.  By then they'd become fairly good at minding their manners with "Trick or Treat" and "Thank You," as we visited the homes of friends, family and neighbors.  During all that time, we went through a wide range of costumes.  Devils and angels, a tough kid with a black eye, a cheerleader, a ballerina, and an Indian Princess.  (That's the boy cousin during one of his robot phases).  The last costumes I made were four genies, all in different colors.

My girls grew up and had their own little Trick-or-Treaters, and at times, I was coerced into making a few costumes for them.  There are five to created for, and it can take some time an imagination.  Although we'd planned a Peter Pan theme this year, time got away from us--thanks to that family wedding less than two weeks ago--so we're sticking to face painting only, this year.

2009 with all 5 g-kids and oldest daughter

2011 in full costume and looking great!

2012 and, oh, how they've grown!

Not too bad for a group with different tastes and desires, not to mention from help from Goodwill and anything we found around the house, some years.  Yes, that's my crew, who are here to drive me to cackling.  An almost 12-year-old, an almost 11-year-old, a 9-year-old, 6-year-old, and the youngest is 4. 

I haven't dressed up for Halloween for a long, long time.  I've been too busy with costumes for the others to have time to think about me.  But this year, I was invited and attended a party at the home of a local author friend.  Just dressing up at the last minute, grabbing this and that from my closet and painting my face was fun.  The party proved even more fun!  Maybe next year I'll give more thought to it.  The Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe, Maybe?  It's a thought...

Enjoy your 2013 Halloween, whether you're partying, escorting off-spring or off-spring of your off-spring around the neighborhood, or simply sitting at home, thinking of the times gone by.  Because it's believed by some to be the night the veil is lifted between our world and the world beyond, think of the loved ones you've shared with on some of those past Halloween nights.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

But I love Halloween, and I love that feeling: the cold air, the spooky dangers lurking around the corner. ~ Evan Peters 

The Best Things in Life

Last week was spent trying to catch up from the week(s) before.  And because I was late last week, I promised a wrap-up of what kept me so busy.

The picture of the four beautiful women on the left are proof that I've been busy for a long, long time.  Okay, not that long, but almost thirty-four years.  More than half my life. You see, those are my daughters.  My #3 daughter was married to her heart's desire last Saturday, and her sisters stood with her to help clinch the deal.

It was a beautiful wedding, held outside with lots of sunshine and a group of friends and family to share the beginning of the bride and groom's life together.  Amazing, because it snowed the day before.  Not a lot, just big flakes falling from the sky and lots of cold and rain.  The rehearsal and rehearsal dinner that evening didn't go all that smoothly, thanks to some of the younger family members, who drove the bride-to-be to tears.  Then came the morning of the wedding, starting with early appointments at the hair salon, accompanied by two rambunctious boys.  They were removed when I picked them up and took them to their cousin's ice skating lessons, my "job" for the morning.  Not long after we finished with those, I was called to the salon to wait for my youngest to be done.  Later, my good friend arrived, ready to drive several of us to the wedding, and since my time at home had been severely limited by trips to the salon, the ice center, the salon, home, and back to salon again, we were running late.  I forgot my make-up, my camera, and probably half of my brain in the rush to get to the wedding in time for pre-wedding photos.  At least I remembered my dress and shoes!

But it wasn't about me, and I enjoyed staying in the background and watching not only the wedding, but joining in the reception, dinner and dance that followed.  Everyone had a wonderful time, and by the end of the day, we were both happy and exhausted.

Life now returns to normal.  There's a deadline looming, and I'm running two weeks behind.  That means lots of BIC-HOKing, in between dashes to take and pickup those grandkids.  Everyone's schedule is still crazy, but it's down to normal crazy, not pre-wedding crazy.  So work and writing go on.

We work, we play, and we enjoy everything we can.  We make lasting memories in big moments and small.  And we do what has to be done, when it needs to be done.

In spite of looming deadlines, I'm going to make some adjustments to the blog.  Writing tips will move to Friday...especially because that's where they seem to eventually be written.  Because I've been around for a long time--in life--I'm going to give some blogging time to memories of childhood, growing up, and what it was like to live through the 1950s, 60s, 70s, and starting a family in the 80s.  Look for those on Wednesdays.  Mondays will be eclectic, a what's on my mind collage of bits and pieces.  I hope you'll find one or more of those topics fun, if not interesting. :)

Just when I think I have learned the way to live, life changes. ~ Hugh Prather

Crazy Times

This blog post was written last week, but didn't post.  I'll add an update tomorrow on the wedding mentioned below.

If you've ever been involved in a wedding or even the planning of a wedding, you know how crazy it can get as the big day approaches.  That's where we--meaning my family--is right now.

Tomorrow is the big day for daughter #3.  Later today is the rehearsal.  The simple act of getting the details of who needs to be there and when has been hashed and re-hashed over the past week.  If we're lucky, all will go well.  But isn't there an old superstition that if the rehearsal goes well, the wedding won't?  Then I guess I'll hope for a crazy rehearsal.

Added to all the wedding insanity is another deadline.  What I plan to be the last book in my series set in Desperation, Oklahoma (aka Hearts of Desperation) is due in one month.  And there's very little written at this point.

So what's a writing mother-of-the-bride to do?  Get through the next two days, then resolve to stay off Facebook and playing Spider Solitaire for the next month.  It's BIC-HOK time, starting Sunday, no matter the hangover from of a day of festivities.  Hey, I survived the Bridal Shower and the Bachelorette Party (my first), so surviving the wedding, reception, dinner and dance should be a breeze, right?  Here's to hoping.

What is BIC-HOK?  It's a term coined by a group of romance writers back in the late 1990s who participated in Cata-Romance, an email group to cuss and discuss writing, especially category romance.  BIC-HOK is short for Butt In Chair-Hands On Keyboard.  It means working without excuses.  And we all know how hard that can be.

There will always be times when our writing schedules and goals have to take a backseat to other things in life.  My writing schedule has been hijacked, so I'm now two weeks behind.  That doesn't mean that I throw up my hands and give up.  That deadline is still there and isn't moving, not one inch.  What it does mean is that adjustments must be made and work must be done, in spite of everything that might come up, including the demands of family.

I Am Writing

Not only must we train ourselves, but family must be trained, too.

Years ago, the lesson in my life and my daughters' lives had to be learned that writing time is writing time.  There's an "old" saying about mothers who write that says mothers should tell their children not to bother Mom, unless blood, flood, or fire is involved has to be put into effect.  Okay, broken bones can be added, if really needed.  Interruptions while writing can kill the muse faster than anything.  My days are sectioned off in 2 1/2 hour increments.  I'm the get-to-school and get-home person for one granddaughter, and the get-home for the other four, which involves a trip to two different schools at different times.  Those small sections of time between trips are usually quiet.  Those are the times when I can write.  Instead, I've put off writing, because of other interruptions and changed plans.  I understand, while staring at that circled deadline date on the calendar, that the time has come when I must take a stand that interruptions and changed plans will not be tolerated.

Easier said than done, but it's always worth a try.  And another, and another...

I'm lucky in one respect, because I have most of the evening hours to get some writing done.  I don't watch a lot of TV.  If I did, there wouldn't be writing time.  I'd be sitting in front of the screen, watching anything and everything that caught my fancy.  I gave that up a long time ago, when I discovered I couldn't watch and write.  It hasn't killed me yet, and I don't see that it will in the future.

Some people reading this might be thinking, "Yeah, but she doesn't have small children."  While that's true, what I do have are older-not-living-with me-and-with-families-of-their-own children.  And they all live nearby.  Two of them very nearby, one farther, and the youngest in the same house with me.

My youngest was seven when I attended my first writers conference.  My oldest was seventeen.  The two in-between were in high school, so, it's correct that I didn't have little ones to watch closely.  But I also know that, even if I was writing, I would and did make time for them.

There's always a way, and family will always come first.

I've admitted before that I'm not a person who runs well on a schedule.  I'm also the Queen of Procrastination.  Somehow, I do get things done, usually on time, sometimes in a big rush.  I set goals, and I do whatever is necessary to reach them.  Over the past few weeks, the wedding prep and all the other things in life have reached a fever pitch.  Writing, except for a few pages, hasn't gotten done.  I'm not quitting, just because the schedule has fallen apart.  It's schedule revision time.  It may mean having very little free time for a few weeks, but it doesn't mean I won't be accessible to those who are near and dear.

If you're struggling to juggle, take a step back, see what can be temporarily cut from your days or nights, and then do it.  In time, many things can be added back into the schedule.  Trying to balance everything when life is beginning to spin out of control is an effort in futility.  Work with it, not against it.  You may find you like a more structured and, yes, even selfish life when time has become more balanced than before.

If you've found a particular way that's helped you get more writing done while dealing with real life, feel free to share.  We're all on the same path, bumpy as it is.

The secret to modern life is finding the measure in time management. I have two kids, career and I travel, and I don't think my life is any different than most couples. The most valuable commodity now for many people is time and how to parcel that out.  ~ Hugh Jackman

Stress Reduction

FACT: Stress is one of those things we all deal with.  (Yes, I ended the sentence with a preposition.)

The past two weeks have proven to be one of the more stressful times of this year for me.  And there's another one to follow next week.  Not only am I starting a new book with a deadline for the proposal (first 3 chapters and full synopsis) next month, but one of my daughters is getting married a week from Saturday.  Any woman who has been involved with a wedding knows how that is.  Factor in the usual get-grandkids-to-school and back (3 schools, 5 kids ranging from Pre-K to middle school), which normally is handled with a minimum of teeth gnashing.  Not so, over the past two weeks.  It gets worse.  Thanks to three half-days for the three grade-schoolers and three days off for the pre-k'er, last week, my normal schedule (and body/brain rhythm) has taken a beating.  This week is was the middle-schooler with two early-outs, and all of them out for today and tomorrow.  Next week...well, there's that wedding and all the last minute details.

Yes, I want to bang my head on my desk.  Most of my writing has been done on a yellow pad, while I sit and wait for school to be out--at whatever the particular time.  I finally finished the first scene last night, after several days of writing.  It's hard to get into the heads of characters, while running here and there, jotting notes--when paper & pen are available, and finding more than fifteen minutes of uninterrupted time.

And today is my youngest daughter's birthday.

Such is life.

Or for those who are into French, c'est la vie.

Why have I not offed myself or emptied my bank account for a one-way ticket to a private island?  Well, other than not owning a private island or knowing someone who does, the offing part doesn't thrill me, and the bank account might pay for gas to the airport.

There are ways to beat stress and keep the pounding headache, suicidal thoughts, and need to escape the here-and-now at bay.  I've used several of them.

Walking

I did this last year in the morning.  Early morning, although definitely after the sun came up.  There's a small park nearby, with a walking track.  Five times around netted me two miles a day.  Two miles and over a half hour of a brain and body workout.  My Mp3 player is loaded with upbeat music, excellent for starting the day.  I could think...or not.  And even when I didn't think, things floated through my mind without bidding.  Good things.  Like the opening of the book I just finished writing that will be winging its way to my editor within the hour.

Music

I'm not sure what I would do without music.  It's been a part of my life for as long as I remember.  Just a few notes can take me back to good times in the past.  I skip the ones that take me back to bad times.  A lively song has the power to get me on my feet, and I start moving.  A slower song can often lift my spirits.  Music also drowns out the sounds of children. ;)

Deep Breathing

It's hard to be tense when blowing out a deep breath.  Use it when those tense-filled times happen, and stress can be nipped in the bud.  Breathe in through the nose, and blow out through the mouth.  Do it slowly.  Focus on what you're doing, instead of whatever is causing  the tension.  It works great in the midst of an argument.  If that doesn't work, walk away and take a walk, while listening to your favorite music.  Don't choose something to listen to that will bring you down.

Meditation

I know, I know.  Who has time?  That's exactly what I thought...until I tried it.  I may not be proficient at it, but as it is with everything, practice helps.  Carve out ten to twenty minutes a day, morning or night, and you'll find yourself thinking more clearly, sleeping more soundly, and all the big things that are driving you crazy will become smaller.  I've found that guided meditation works best for me...at least for now.  Deepak Chopra is my favorite and often offers 21-day guided meditations online for free.  Other options are available online at no charge.  Find something you like, whether it be guided our on your own.  Because mornings can be hectic here, no matter how early I crawl out of bed, I've been doing my meditations at night.  Instead of lying awake in bed, until the wee hours of the morning, I'm falling asleep quickly and don't often deal with waking during the night.  I'm sure my blood pressure has lowered, too.

Yoga

This one didn't work for me, probably because my body doesn't want to bend in the shapes needed.  Weak wrists that don't hold me up are my downfall.  And I do mean down fall.  But I know people who swear to it, and if it didn't require twisting myself into shapes, I'd try it again.  There's a plus.  Yoga and meditation can go hand in hand.

Mini-Vacations

This is the most difficult.  Sometimes there aren't two or three days available to put ourselves in a new and different environment.  Sometimes all it takes is a day with friends, shopping, talking, seeing a movie, or even checking into a local hotel to read a book, catch up on sleep or maybe even take a swim.  I lucked out when a friend offered me a mini-vacation at her home.  We spent the evening watching movies, talking, and imbibing in some spirits...the drinking kind, not the ghostly ones.  After a restful night of sleep, I was grateful for the few hours of getaway.  I've spent weekends with another friend, who was one of BFFs in high school.  Sometimes just getting away from our usual environment can make a big difference.

Exercise

Some people swear by a regular exercise schedule.  It's something I tell myself that I should be doing.  But, alas, it hasn't happened.  Whether done at a gym, in your bedroom, or in front of your TV, it's one of the best forms of killing stress.  Then there's that added benefit of losing weight or toning your body, in addiction to stress reduction.  A win-win situation.

Reading

This is one thing I wish I had more time to do, but when I start reading, I can't stop.  And reading until 3 a.m. causes drowsiness and fatigue when I have to get up at 7 a.m., quickly leading to more stress.  But it is something I try to do when I'm not working on a writing or web designing deadline.  I've filled my Kindle with books to read, but the chance to read doesn't come often.  Still, I'll grab it in a nano-second when the opportunity presents itself.  Reading is an escape, and all it takes is to banish stress, at least for a while is to finish a good book.

Those are only a few suggestions.  Some people choose hobbies to take them away from "the real world."  Try different things and see what works best for you.  And if you've found something not listed above, please share!

Stress can kill, if not our bodies, our minds and our creative spirit.

Take time for yourself.  Demand it, if necessary.  Steal it, if nothing else works.

The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another. ~ William James

Time, Schedules, and Crazy Life

Prepare for a whine.

Time?  Not enough.
Schedules?  Overrun
Crazy Life?  Totally

My #3 daughter is getting married in two weeks.  I'm not that involved in the wedding preparations, but I'm not completely out of the circle of planning and doing.  Just listening takes a lot of time.  Most days and weeks, I have that time.  Right now?  Uh, no.

#4 daughter, the youngest, is now working part-time in the office where #2 daughter works.  This means another pickup trip during mid-day.  I now have one drop-off and three pickups.  Longest period between each is less than three hours.  And that's only the weekdays.

Except for last weekend, every weekend is full until after the wedding.  Although the plans for the weekend fell through, youngest and I, along with oldest, spent time shopping for a dress I will wear to the wedding.  I'll be walking the bride down the aisle, so it does matter.  And I hate shopping for clothes!

But it's these next two weeks and weekends that may prove to be my undoing.  This week is parent/teacher conferences for grade schools in our city.  Since Wednesday, students have been let out at 1:30.  Next week, middle grade students will let out at 12:30...the same time I pick up youngest daughter at work.  And then Thursday and Friday, no school for everyone!  (That sound you hear is my headed banging on my desk.)  If I look on the bright side, that means no running back and forth to take and drop off students.  I'll accept that as a plus, but it means we're back to summertime madness for two...full...days.

Upcoming weekends include Woofstock, our state's Humane Society fundraiser, and this year we're taking Max.  I'll post photos next week.  The next weekend involves the bachelorette party at a local eat-and-drink club.  This is the first I'll get to attend.  Usually, I'm the babysitter.  This time I said NO.

The wedding, with reception, dinner and dance, is the final event.  Wouldn't a vacation be perfect after that?  But by then, I'll be in the middle of writing a proposal (3 chapters & full synopsis) for the next book, due a month later.

My plan was to have this current book polished and sent to my editor early.  My goal now (along with prayer) today and for this weekend is to finish that polish.  Yikes!  I'm almost two weeks behind on the schedule I made, but at least I'll make deadline.  Life does get in the way. I live by the old saying, "No rest for the wicked."

The point is that we all have schedules, and there are times in our lives that are more filled with to-do's than at others.  Crazy times.  We get through them, rest a while, then end up with our noses to the grindstones or hands on the steering wheel and foot on the gas pedal, only to do it all again.  It's the cycle of our lives.  Sometimes a short lull turns into a long and boring downtime, and we all know that isn't mentally healthy.  We all need goals to work toward...and those shouldn't be goals of sleeping the day and night away.  (That sounds heavenly!)  And we need those quiet times in between to catch our breaths.  We survive.

Make it fun, no matter what.  Get up and dance!

Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans. ~ John Lennon