Refilling the Well

FRIDAY FREE-FOR-ALL
We all have responsibilities.  For women, that often includes the usual human things, such as eating, cleaning, looking out for our bodies and more.  Some women are married and stay-at-home wives, while some work outside the home, in addition to the usual in-home chores of life.  Some women are single and look out for themselves.  They clean, they shop, they cook, and they are responsible for only themselves.  Some women, single or married, add children to the equation.

We are nurturers.  We take care of others--husbands, children, parents, siblings and friends--while juggling all the other facets of life.  Sometimes we become so immersed in those things that we forget about ourselves.

Being a single mother with grown children and young grandchildren, my attention is focused on them, while still finding time of my own, as I try to balance work, play, and the inevitable checkbook.  It's easier, now that my four daughters are grown, but once a mom, always a mom.  I do what I can, when I can.  If I can't, I worry that I'm not being the mother I should be.  And then I remind myself that it's my time.  Not all of it is mine, but the others can take care of themselves.  After all, they're the moms now.

The first time I heard the term Refilling the Well, I was already writing and in the midst of working toward publication.  I was married, with four children, so demands on my time were natural for any woman in that same place in life.  We give of ourselves and often forget that we need time to regroup, to kick back for a little while and become who we are, other than wives, employees, mothers, cooks, cleaner-uppers, caretakers and all those other things we do because that's who we are.  After all that giving, we sometimes feel depleted of energy, time, and--dare I say it?--giving to others.  We need a little time to take a breath and think of ourselves and find way to remind us that we, too, are special.  That's what Refilling the Well is.

Why do we need to refill our wells?  Because if we don't, we might fall into the trap of not caring about ourselves.  If that happens, we might endanger our caring for others.

So how do we refill our wells?  We give ourselves the gift of time.  Our time.  No rushing Junior (or Juniorette, in my case) to ball practice or spending every spare minute that isn't taken up by all the have-to's in life by giving to others.  We don't fill those spare moments with organizing the pantry or polishing the baseboards in our house.  Well, not unless that's something that makes us happy and takes a special place in our hearts.

5 Ways to Spend Time Alone (And 14 Inspirational Quotes about Solitude)

Make a list of the small things you can do for just yourself.  A long bubble bath?  Reading?  Watching a movie we've always wanted to see?  Kicking back and listening to music we enjoy?  Spending time with a close friend or several friends?  Taking a long walk in a peaceful spot?  Watch the water in a pond or even something as simple as sitting outside on a nice day, enjoying the weather?  What one thing can you do for yourself that will take you away from everyday life and, especially, make you smile?

I used to be an avid reader.  I could read 3-5 books a week, depending on the length of them.  Reading is still what I do when I have a few minutes of quiet, uninterrupted time to put aside the demands of work, family, and home.  But too often theses days, I find myself not reading for pleasure, only for knowledge and instructions, even though my Kindle and bookshelves are filled with all kinds of fiction!  Guess what one of the things will go on my list?

With luck, I'll also be spending time with friends this weekend.  I'm looking forward to and excited about our writers group's upcoming mini-retreat this weekend.  Eight hours of talking writing, brainstorming, helping each other, laughing and sharing.  I'll spend the day with people who share my love of writing.  (The photo above was taken at our Fall Mini-Retreat last year.  While the mini-retreat is "job" related, it never feels that it is.  Many of us in the group are friends, outside of the group.  We're there for each other when times are bad or when we have something to celebrate.  We might get together for dinner out, and we've even been known to take in a movie together!

How often should we refill our wells?  As often as possible!   Ideally, that would be every day.  That's not often possible, so let's go for once a week.  If that doesn't work, how about once a month, or quarterly?  Or whenever the opportunity presents itself and especially when we're feeling depleted. Don't say no to an invitation from a friend to do something together or simply get together, unless it's absolutely necessary.  Don't feel selfish or that you're wasting your time.  We all need to do things we enjoy, in addition to the requirements in our life.

Why You Shouldn't Feel Guilty About Stealing a Little Time for Yourself (Psychology Today)

Refill the Well whenever you can.  Whenever the opportunity presents itself.  It doesn't have to be planned out in advance.  It can be done on the spur of the moment, when a small amount of time is presented.  Leave the dishes and vacuuming for a little later.  Give yourself the gift of time.

Enjoy your weekend, and if you get the chance to refill your well, take it!

I think you have to refill the well at some point. ~ Skeet Ulrich

The Music of Our Lives

Procrastination isn't all that bad.  It can bring on a bit of nostalgia.

While listening to one of my playlists as I work on edits, a sudden urge to check out Burton Cummings of  the band The Guess Who hit me.  That led to learning that he and Randy Bachman (Bachman Turner Overdrive aka BTO), who was a member of the band for a while, co-wrote many of The Guess Who's hit songs.  And to think I saw them in concert in 1970.

For Christmas in 1967 I received my first stereo record player.  It looked similar to this one ↑, and I was wildly ecstatic.  Stereo, for goodness sake!  And an album to play on it, too!  Simon and Garfunkel's Sounds of Silence.

I grew up in a home that where music was listened to often and appreciated.  Sure, that meant watching The Lawrence Welk Show, a favorite of my parents for many years, but I can now recognize many of the songs from the 1940s---yes, before I was born--and the bands and vocalists from the era.

When I was four-years-old, my parents bought a small, neighborhood grocery store.  The memory of those two or so years are still strong.  In the far back corner of the store, near the meat counter, where a real butcher worked, a radio sat high on a shelf.  Music played all day long, much of it Country-Western music.  To this day, listening to Tennessee Ernie Ford singing Sixteen Tons is like being in that store again.

Growing up, my next door neighbors were more like family to me, an only child.  They were the ones who took me trick-or-treating every Halloween, taught me how to play jacks, hopscotch, to shoot a basketball and ride a bike.  The oldest was a teenager in high school, about the time I was eight, and Kay plastered her walls with Elvis Presley.  To this day, I've never swooned over him.  I usually cringe. :)  Between Kay and her younger sister Margaret, they had a record collection of 45s that were to die for.  Pat Boone, Ricky Nelson, Eddie Fisher, Connie Francis, Bill Hayley and the Comets, and more.  I was allowed to borrow them.  At my first slumber party (today's sleepover) in third grade, we managed to crash & break my bunkbed by swinging on the end of it, while we listened to Perry Como singing Hot Diggity.

A quick jump forward to the early 60s.  Neil Sedaka,, the Four Seasons, the Everly Brothers, Brenda Lee, Chubby Checker, Johnny Mathis, Little Richard were only a few of the hit-makers.  We learned to do the Twist, the Mashed Potato, and the Locomotive.  Then came cruisin' music and surfer music--The Beach Boys, Jan and Dean, The Hondells, the Safaris.

And then came the British Invasion.  The Rolling Stones getting satisfied, the Dave Clark 5, The Byrds, The Monkees and the never-to-be-forgotten Beatles topped the charts.  I still listen to Marvin Gaye, The Mamas and Papas, the Temptations and the Lovin' Spoonful and so many I can't list them all.  Those were the groups of my generation, the generation that protested The "War" That Shouldn't Have Been.

I still listen to all of those groups and their music.  My playlists are endless, and I've learned that William Congreve's "Music has Charms to soothe the savage Breast" is still as accurate today as it was in the 17th century.  Music can comfort and uplift, energize and calm.  Listen to your favorite music and refill the well of your soul.

Music is the universal language of mankind. ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Time Off

THE WRITING LIFE

The time came for me to keep a running To Do list.  I kept forgetting to do things, then rushing to get them done when I realized they needed attention.  My list never seems to be finished.  Each day I add something new, in spite of marking off at least one or two items that were already there.

Sometimes we simply need to take a break.

In addition to writing, I design author websites and provide childcare for my grandkids.  All but one of the five (a step-grand makes it six) is in school.  (Hear my hallelujah?)  So last week, still in the throes of not having my taxes filed yet, website work to do, and a proposal that needs some changes and polishing, my youngest daughter decides we need to take the youngest grand (her niece) to the zoo.  One more thing to add to the list.  But I shrugged my shoulders and said, "Okay, if you really want to."  After all, there's a special admission price this month on Wednesdays, making it less painful on the pocketbook.

With a backpack stuffed with sandwiches, and my camera in hand, we went to the zoo.  It's been a while since we've gone.  In fact, Payton (above with the bears) has never been to our zoo.  She wasn't exactly wild about the idea at first, but once there, when told, "Come on, we have to go," after looking over an animal, she cried.  Yeah, I think she liked it. :)

We have a wonderful zoo here, much better than the tiny (free) one in a park that I visited as a child.  Not that I've never seen better than that old one.  I've been to some of the best, including the Chicago Zoo and the San Diego Zoo.  But I have to say that ours now ranks among the best.  While there are some of the more common animals (lions and tigers and bears and, of course, elephants, and Michael Jackson once bought a baby giraffe from our zoo), we include the more uncommon from all over the world.  The best part is that the animals are shown in their natural habitat, not sleeping or pacing in cages.

Stork

The zoo is divided into sections, including areas of the world.  There's the Children's Farms that include an Asian Farm, American Farm, and African Farm.  Our new Penguin Cove opened a few years ago, and there's an indoor Amphibian & Reptile building, that begins with three large, and very old, tortoises and ends with the snakes (shiver).  Since seeing Harry Potter, I have images still in my mind of how the glass disappeared when I stand in front of the Anaconda exhibit.

Inside the Jungle

The Jungle building is one of the most popular and includes not only a real waterfall, but fruit bats flying freely and vampire bats in a dark, glassed in area.  Plants are everywhere, and the birds are free to fly and roam...and make a lot of noise.  There's the North American area, with bears and buffaloes and more, the Gorilla Forest that's so much fun to watch.  Africa and Asia, which includes the Tiger Trek, moves on to Australia and South America.  Most of the animals from those last two regions were unavailable, thanks to our colder weather here, but we'll catch them the next time.

Gorilla playing with a sheet

The exhibits are all well-marked as is the way to each area, and the information shared on each animal is fascinating.  School children from the city and surrounding school districts take trips to the zoo every year and learn new things.  And, yes, I do read those information signs.  Flamingos get their pink/orange color from eating greens that contain iodine.  I remember the flamingos at Cyprus Gardens in Florida when I was child, but I never knew until yesterday that the underside of a flamingos wings are black, thanks to them taking low flight from the shore to the pond yesterday.

While it wasn't the beautiful day forecasted, and the sun refused to come out from behind thick clouds, with a stiff breeze and 10 degrees cooler than expected, we still had a wonderful time!  Proof, once again, that time off is needed by everyone, and it doesn't take much to make some of those times memorable.

“Sometimes it's important to work for that pot of gold. But other times it's essential to take time off and to make sure that your most important decision in the day simply consists of choosing which color to slide down on the rainbow.” ~ Douglas Pagels

When Your Motivation and Creativity Need a Boost

MOTIVATION MONDAYS

Life has been getting in the way lately, so I'm behind on blogging.  In fact, I nearly skipped today, but something came through in my email that caught my attention.

iVillage.com often has some great motivation tools for a variety of things in our lives.

• Need some decorating or storage ideas?  
• Need some motivation to exercise?  
• Need some tips on making your relationships better?  
• Need tips on healthy foods?

iVillage will send you an email on the latest tips and tricks for all that and more.

Today's topic is 10 Ways to Boost Your Creativity, and here are the highlights:

1. Break Your Routine
2. Do It
3. Daydream
4. Brainstorm
5. Interact with People
6. Schedule It
7. Expand Your Experiences
8. Reflect
9. Relax
10. Change Your Space

Those are just the tip of the iceberg.  Use the link above or below to see it all.

# 10 is what I did this weekend.  I moved most of the furniture in my office.  With colder weather coming on, I decided my desk in front of a window might not be the best idea.  Too bad I didn't have time to do some painting!  Now I get to spend the rest of the week (and weeks to come) sorting through all the boxes and containers to throw out the things no longer needed or wanted.  I'm hopeful I can downsize, which in itself will mean less clutter and more room to CREATE!

Be sure to visit 10 Ways to Boost Your Creativity at iVillage for more information on each of the 10 Ways listed above.

"You can't wait for inspiration, you have to go after it with a club." ~ Jack London

Smell the Roses

WRITING WEDNESDAYS

Too many of us live on a treadmill, doing the same things every day.  We get up, go to work, come home to watching TV, eat, sleep, and then start all over again the next day.  Weekends are often filled with doing the things we didn't have time for during the week.  Not fun things, but catching up on laundry, buying groceries, and other chores.  My own schedule isn't too far off that.  In fact, for the past few months, even weekends have resembled weekdays, with only bits and pieces of time to get away from work and the tedious schedule of day to day.  Let's face it.  This isn't the way to live.  It isn't healthy--physically or mentally.

Two weeks ago I blogged about refilling the well, and that's pretty much the theme of today's blog post, too. Why?  Because sometimes we have to be told over and over to give ourselves a break.  Sometimes we need to be reminded repeatedly that we need to do something for ourselves.  Not randomly, but on a regular schedule.

After doing a little research, I blogged about this same thing last Saturday at Bits & Bytes, and I decided to share a little of that here.  Yes, it's that important, especially for women, because we tend to spend a large portion of our lives doing for others. In fact, the prevalence for depression is twice as common in women as it is in men.  Looking back over my own life, I can definitely see that pattern.  Added to that are statistics showing that artists, writers, and creative people are also more apt to suffer from depression.

Houston, we have a problem. 

We need to stop and smell the roses.  

ARTIST DATE
Of the many things in Julia Cameron's book, The Artist's Way, one of the best ways to keep life on an even keel is to use Artist Dates.  "An artist date is a block of time, perhaps two hours weekly, especially set aside and committed to nurturing your creative consciousness, your inner artist.  In its most primary form, the artist date is an excursion, a play date that you preplan and defend against all interlopers."   

An Artist Date should be done once a week and ALONE.  Sorry, no taking the baby, or even the dog.  This is for you and you need to focus on yourself.  It's used for enjoyment and relaxation, not worry.  (Yes, it's time to be selfish!)  Suggestions include visiting a junk shop, a museum, a park, a concert, and more.  These "dates" don't have to cost money.    Keep your eyes and ears open (local newspapers, TV, and radio) for opportunities.


REFILL THE WELL
(From the list found at Well Done -- Bit's & Bytes)

• MUSIC  Is there anyone out there who doesn't enjoy listening to music?  Not music we listen to for inspiration while writing.  This music is for our own enjoyment, be it pop, rock, country, jazz, showtunes, classical, etc.  Whatever you choose, it should make you smile, calm your nerves, and, yes, even put you to sleep, if sleep is what you need.
• DANCE  Yes, dance. I'm pretty certain that if left alone, with no one around to watch, most of us could dance away some time.  Whether it comes from a radio, a playlist, a CD/Mp3 or whatever, put on some music with a beat, get on your feet, and dance.  In only a few minutes, you'll be smiling.  Maybe even laughing.  And probably winded. ☺ Your blood will be pumping, which will produce more endorphins, giving you a natural high.  Wow!
• YOGA/MEDITATION  Once again, both of these are catching on.  Why?  Because they can make us feel better, not only spiritually and mentally, but physically, too.  Don't believe me?  Look it up!
• WALKING  As with dance, this gets the body moving.  Try to walk outside, whenever possible.  That fresh air is good for the body and the soul.  Make a habit of it.  And remember to ENJOY!  Nature is all around us, so keep your eyes and ears open.
• WATCH A MOVIE  I love movies.  All kinds of movies.  Some lift me up, some make me think, some make me laugh, while others make me cry.  For that couple of hours, I can stop thinking of what might be wrong in my own life and let the story take me away.  Be sure to do this one on your own.  No hubby beside you on the sofa.  Just you.  And if you absolutely can't watch it alone at home, try looking for a local theater that has matinees at a reduced price.  We have one that shows movies about to go to DVD, and Tuesdays the tickets are $1.
• READ A BOOK  I'm guilty of not doing this one enough.  I get busy and forget, or when I do remember, I'm too tired for even the best of books to keep me awake.  One way of solving this is to set a specific day of the week and a specific time to read for an hour or two.  Maybe it's only a chapter or two, but it's something.  Or use reading a book by your favorite author as a reward for finishing your manuscript.
• TAKE A MINI-VACATION  Doesn't this one sound wonderful?  In the past, I would visit a high school friend in my old hometown.  It was nice to get away from home, and because we're both single now, we didn't have to answer to anyone.  An overnight in a hotel/motel can be a refreshing escape from family and work priorities.  Great for catching up on sleep, too!

Check out Exploring Women's Creativity: A Guide for Creative Women on www.Womenfolk.com for more ideas on Filling the Well, Renewal Through Walking and more.

No matter what you do, remember to be aware of what's going on inside and outside of you.  If you're not feeling well, see a doctor.  If you've over-scheduled yourself, find one or two things that can be dropped from your life or at least set aside for another time.  Learn how to say NO.  It's something we all need to do more often.  And SMILE!  You'll not only have fewer frown lines, but people will wonder what you've been up to!

“Sometimes it's important to work for that pot of gold. But other times it's essential to take time off and to make sure that your most important decision in the day simply consists of choosing which color to slide down on the rainbow.” ~  Douglas Pagels

Refilling the Well

WRITING WEDNESDAYS

Whether we write or have a day job or are busy raising a family, we all need to take step back once in a while and give ourselves the gift of doing nothing.

Before going any further with this, let me state that "doing nothing" isn't necessarily what it sounds like.  There's a whole range of possibilities and each of us should take the time, now and then, to explore some of them.

For the past six months, I feel like I've been going non-stop.  That could be because I have, in a way.  The grandkids, who had been staying at home with their dad who'd lost his job several months before, returned only two weeks after I'd set deadlines for two new books.  I'd become accustomed to not having them around, except to pick them up from school and take them to their home.  I'd forgotten how crazy life can be with them around.  My schedule and goals took a beating, and it's been crazy, but somehow I've managed to stay on course...or close, anyway.

The time of meeting deadlines will ease soon.  I'm wrapping up the last of what's needed on A NANNY FOR THE COWBOY, out in March next year, and hope to have the last chapter of DESIGNS ON THE COWBOY, June 2013, written well before the upcoming holiday weekend is over.  That will ease the pressure, and we all know how important that is.

While I admire those who are like the Energizer Bunny and never seem to run out of steam, I have a deep, dark suspicion that what we see isn't what's really happening. Why?  Because everyone needs some time to refill the well.

I'd never heard that term before, until I heard Kathie DeNosky use it back in the late 90's, when we were both struggling to sell our first books.  Kathie had been at the writing game a few years longer than I had, so she became my guide in everything writing related.  She taught me about the need to stop the insanity and refill the well that empties without us noticing when we have our nose to the grindstone.  (How's that for mixed metaphors?)  I do have to say that she didn't have to explain what "refilling the well" meant.  I got the meaning immediately.  It was the "how" that had me stumped.

Reading has always been an integral part of my life, but once I began writing, the reading time began to shrink, little by little.  Now just reading a handful of books a year is difficult.  There are those deadlines and all the other things in life that need attending to.  I envy writers who have the time to read the work of others, while moving forward with their own writing career.  I wish I could do the same.

Because I can't pick up a book every week or two and devote time to immersing myself in the worlds of other writers, I have to remind myself that it's important to take a break, no matter how short, and do some reading.  Time for that break is coming up very soon.  By next week at this time, I hope I'm in the midst of it and enjoying it.  It's time to refill the well.

As that special time grows closer, I've been thinking more about it lately, and I realize that there are other things to enjoy, in addition to reading.  So here's a list I've come up with to try, just for me.

10 Things to Do to Refill the Well

• Find a quiet spot to think or just "be"
• Spend time with friends, both writing and non-writing, especially ones I don't see often
• Sleep or take a nap without interruption
• Go outside and watch the clouds drift by
• Find a place away from the street lights--away from the city--to once again enjoy the beauty of the night sky
• Take a leisurely walk in the park, not for exercise or any reason other than the sheer joy of it
• Go to the park and swing
• Sit by the water and listen to the sounds it makes
• Find a new and unusual shop and explore
• Watch favorite movies for a full day

That's my list. What's yours?

The ultimate in refilling my well:

Well it's not far back to sanity, at least it's not for me
And if the wind is right you can sail away and find serenity
Oh, the canvas can do miracles, just you wait and see.
Believe me. ~ Christopher Cross, "Sailing" Lyrics