The Best Things in Life

Last week was spent trying to catch up from the week(s) before.  And because I was late last week, I promised a wrap-up of what kept me so busy.

The picture of the four beautiful women on the left are proof that I've been busy for a long, long time.  Okay, not that long, but almost thirty-four years.  More than half my life. You see, those are my daughters.  My #3 daughter was married to her heart's desire last Saturday, and her sisters stood with her to help clinch the deal.

It was a beautiful wedding, held outside with lots of sunshine and a group of friends and family to share the beginning of the bride and groom's life together.  Amazing, because it snowed the day before.  Not a lot, just big flakes falling from the sky and lots of cold and rain.  The rehearsal and rehearsal dinner that evening didn't go all that smoothly, thanks to some of the younger family members, who drove the bride-to-be to tears.  Then came the morning of the wedding, starting with early appointments at the hair salon, accompanied by two rambunctious boys.  They were removed when I picked them up and took them to their cousin's ice skating lessons, my "job" for the morning.  Not long after we finished with those, I was called to the salon to wait for my youngest to be done.  Later, my good friend arrived, ready to drive several of us to the wedding, and since my time at home had been severely limited by trips to the salon, the ice center, the salon, home, and back to salon again, we were running late.  I forgot my make-up, my camera, and probably half of my brain in the rush to get to the wedding in time for pre-wedding photos.  At least I remembered my dress and shoes!

But it wasn't about me, and I enjoyed staying in the background and watching not only the wedding, but joining in the reception, dinner and dance that followed.  Everyone had a wonderful time, and by the end of the day, we were both happy and exhausted.

Life now returns to normal.  There's a deadline looming, and I'm running two weeks behind.  That means lots of BIC-HOKing, in between dashes to take and pickup those grandkids.  Everyone's schedule is still crazy, but it's down to normal crazy, not pre-wedding crazy.  So work and writing go on.

We work, we play, and we enjoy everything we can.  We make lasting memories in big moments and small.  And we do what has to be done, when it needs to be done.

In spite of looming deadlines, I'm going to make some adjustments to the blog.  Writing tips will move to Friday...especially because that's where they seem to eventually be written.  Because I've been around for a long time--in life--I'm going to give some blogging time to memories of childhood, growing up, and what it was like to live through the 1950s, 60s, 70s, and starting a family in the 80s.  Look for those on Wednesdays.  Mondays will be eclectic, a what's on my mind collage of bits and pieces.  I hope you'll find one or more of those topics fun, if not interesting. :)

Just when I think I have learned the way to live, life changes. ~ Hugh Prather

Crazy Times

This blog post was written last week, but didn't post.  I'll add an update tomorrow on the wedding mentioned below.

If you've ever been involved in a wedding or even the planning of a wedding, you know how crazy it can get as the big day approaches.  That's where we--meaning my family--is right now.

Tomorrow is the big day for daughter #3.  Later today is the rehearsal.  The simple act of getting the details of who needs to be there and when has been hashed and re-hashed over the past week.  If we're lucky, all will go well.  But isn't there an old superstition that if the rehearsal goes well, the wedding won't?  Then I guess I'll hope for a crazy rehearsal.

Added to all the wedding insanity is another deadline.  What I plan to be the last book in my series set in Desperation, Oklahoma (aka Hearts of Desperation) is due in one month.  And there's very little written at this point.

So what's a writing mother-of-the-bride to do?  Get through the next two days, then resolve to stay off Facebook and playing Spider Solitaire for the next month.  It's BIC-HOK time, starting Sunday, no matter the hangover from of a day of festivities.  Hey, I survived the Bridal Shower and the Bachelorette Party (my first), so surviving the wedding, reception, dinner and dance should be a breeze, right?  Here's to hoping.

What is BIC-HOK?  It's a term coined by a group of romance writers back in the late 1990s who participated in Cata-Romance, an email group to cuss and discuss writing, especially category romance.  BIC-HOK is short for Butt In Chair-Hands On Keyboard.  It means working without excuses.  And we all know how hard that can be.

There will always be times when our writing schedules and goals have to take a backseat to other things in life.  My writing schedule has been hijacked, so I'm now two weeks behind.  That doesn't mean that I throw up my hands and give up.  That deadline is still there and isn't moving, not one inch.  What it does mean is that adjustments must be made and work must be done, in spite of everything that might come up, including the demands of family.

I Am Writing

Not only must we train ourselves, but family must be trained, too.

Years ago, the lesson in my life and my daughters' lives had to be learned that writing time is writing time.  There's an "old" saying about mothers who write that says mothers should tell their children not to bother Mom, unless blood, flood, or fire is involved has to be put into effect.  Okay, broken bones can be added, if really needed.  Interruptions while writing can kill the muse faster than anything.  My days are sectioned off in 2 1/2 hour increments.  I'm the get-to-school and get-home person for one granddaughter, and the get-home for the other four, which involves a trip to two different schools at different times.  Those small sections of time between trips are usually quiet.  Those are the times when I can write.  Instead, I've put off writing, because of other interruptions and changed plans.  I understand, while staring at that circled deadline date on the calendar, that the time has come when I must take a stand that interruptions and changed plans will not be tolerated.

Easier said than done, but it's always worth a try.  And another, and another...

I'm lucky in one respect, because I have most of the evening hours to get some writing done.  I don't watch a lot of TV.  If I did, there wouldn't be writing time.  I'd be sitting in front of the screen, watching anything and everything that caught my fancy.  I gave that up a long time ago, when I discovered I couldn't watch and write.  It hasn't killed me yet, and I don't see that it will in the future.

Some people reading this might be thinking, "Yeah, but she doesn't have small children."  While that's true, what I do have are older-not-living-with me-and-with-families-of-their-own children.  And they all live nearby.  Two of them very nearby, one farther, and the youngest in the same house with me.

My youngest was seven when I attended my first writers conference.  My oldest was seventeen.  The two in-between were in high school, so, it's correct that I didn't have little ones to watch closely.  But I also know that, even if I was writing, I would and did make time for them.

There's always a way, and family will always come first.

I've admitted before that I'm not a person who runs well on a schedule.  I'm also the Queen of Procrastination.  Somehow, I do get things done, usually on time, sometimes in a big rush.  I set goals, and I do whatever is necessary to reach them.  Over the past few weeks, the wedding prep and all the other things in life have reached a fever pitch.  Writing, except for a few pages, hasn't gotten done.  I'm not quitting, just because the schedule has fallen apart.  It's schedule revision time.  It may mean having very little free time for a few weeks, but it doesn't mean I won't be accessible to those who are near and dear.

If you're struggling to juggle, take a step back, see what can be temporarily cut from your days or nights, and then do it.  In time, many things can be added back into the schedule.  Trying to balance everything when life is beginning to spin out of control is an effort in futility.  Work with it, not against it.  You may find you like a more structured and, yes, even selfish life when time has become more balanced than before.

If you've found a particular way that's helped you get more writing done while dealing with real life, feel free to share.  We're all on the same path, bumpy as it is.

The secret to modern life is finding the measure in time management. I have two kids, career and I travel, and I don't think my life is any different than most couples. The most valuable commodity now for many people is time and how to parcel that out.  ~ Hugh Jackman

Stress Reduction

FACT: Stress is one of those things we all deal with.  (Yes, I ended the sentence with a preposition.)

The past two weeks have proven to be one of the more stressful times of this year for me.  And there's another one to follow next week.  Not only am I starting a new book with a deadline for the proposal (first 3 chapters and full synopsis) next month, but one of my daughters is getting married a week from Saturday.  Any woman who has been involved with a wedding knows how that is.  Factor in the usual get-grandkids-to-school and back (3 schools, 5 kids ranging from Pre-K to middle school), which normally is handled with a minimum of teeth gnashing.  Not so, over the past two weeks.  It gets worse.  Thanks to three half-days for the three grade-schoolers and three days off for the pre-k'er, last week, my normal schedule (and body/brain rhythm) has taken a beating.  This week is was the middle-schooler with two early-outs, and all of them out for today and tomorrow.  Next week...well, there's that wedding and all the last minute details.

Yes, I want to bang my head on my desk.  Most of my writing has been done on a yellow pad, while I sit and wait for school to be out--at whatever the particular time.  I finally finished the first scene last night, after several days of writing.  It's hard to get into the heads of characters, while running here and there, jotting notes--when paper & pen are available, and finding more than fifteen minutes of uninterrupted time.

And today is my youngest daughter's birthday.

Such is life.

Or for those who are into French, c'est la vie.

Why have I not offed myself or emptied my bank account for a one-way ticket to a private island?  Well, other than not owning a private island or knowing someone who does, the offing part doesn't thrill me, and the bank account might pay for gas to the airport.

There are ways to beat stress and keep the pounding headache, suicidal thoughts, and need to escape the here-and-now at bay.  I've used several of them.

Walking

I did this last year in the morning.  Early morning, although definitely after the sun came up.  There's a small park nearby, with a walking track.  Five times around netted me two miles a day.  Two miles and over a half hour of a brain and body workout.  My Mp3 player is loaded with upbeat music, excellent for starting the day.  I could think...or not.  And even when I didn't think, things floated through my mind without bidding.  Good things.  Like the opening of the book I just finished writing that will be winging its way to my editor within the hour.

Music

I'm not sure what I would do without music.  It's been a part of my life for as long as I remember.  Just a few notes can take me back to good times in the past.  I skip the ones that take me back to bad times.  A lively song has the power to get me on my feet, and I start moving.  A slower song can often lift my spirits.  Music also drowns out the sounds of children. ;)

Deep Breathing

It's hard to be tense when blowing out a deep breath.  Use it when those tense-filled times happen, and stress can be nipped in the bud.  Breathe in through the nose, and blow out through the mouth.  Do it slowly.  Focus on what you're doing, instead of whatever is causing  the tension.  It works great in the midst of an argument.  If that doesn't work, walk away and take a walk, while listening to your favorite music.  Don't choose something to listen to that will bring you down.

Meditation

I know, I know.  Who has time?  That's exactly what I thought...until I tried it.  I may not be proficient at it, but as it is with everything, practice helps.  Carve out ten to twenty minutes a day, morning or night, and you'll find yourself thinking more clearly, sleeping more soundly, and all the big things that are driving you crazy will become smaller.  I've found that guided meditation works best for me...at least for now.  Deepak Chopra is my favorite and often offers 21-day guided meditations online for free.  Other options are available online at no charge.  Find something you like, whether it be guided our on your own.  Because mornings can be hectic here, no matter how early I crawl out of bed, I've been doing my meditations at night.  Instead of lying awake in bed, until the wee hours of the morning, I'm falling asleep quickly and don't often deal with waking during the night.  I'm sure my blood pressure has lowered, too.

Yoga

This one didn't work for me, probably because my body doesn't want to bend in the shapes needed.  Weak wrists that don't hold me up are my downfall.  And I do mean down fall.  But I know people who swear to it, and if it didn't require twisting myself into shapes, I'd try it again.  There's a plus.  Yoga and meditation can go hand in hand.

Mini-Vacations

This is the most difficult.  Sometimes there aren't two or three days available to put ourselves in a new and different environment.  Sometimes all it takes is a day with friends, shopping, talking, seeing a movie, or even checking into a local hotel to read a book, catch up on sleep or maybe even take a swim.  I lucked out when a friend offered me a mini-vacation at her home.  We spent the evening watching movies, talking, and imbibing in some spirits...the drinking kind, not the ghostly ones.  After a restful night of sleep, I was grateful for the few hours of getaway.  I've spent weekends with another friend, who was one of BFFs in high school.  Sometimes just getting away from our usual environment can make a big difference.

Exercise

Some people swear by a regular exercise schedule.  It's something I tell myself that I should be doing.  But, alas, it hasn't happened.  Whether done at a gym, in your bedroom, or in front of your TV, it's one of the best forms of killing stress.  Then there's that added benefit of losing weight or toning your body, in addiction to stress reduction.  A win-win situation.

Reading

This is one thing I wish I had more time to do, but when I start reading, I can't stop.  And reading until 3 a.m. causes drowsiness and fatigue when I have to get up at 7 a.m., quickly leading to more stress.  But it is something I try to do when I'm not working on a writing or web designing deadline.  I've filled my Kindle with books to read, but the chance to read doesn't come often.  Still, I'll grab it in a nano-second when the opportunity presents itself.  Reading is an escape, and all it takes is to banish stress, at least for a while is to finish a good book.

Those are only a few suggestions.  Some people choose hobbies to take them away from "the real world."  Try different things and see what works best for you.  And if you've found something not listed above, please share!

Stress can kill, if not our bodies, our minds and our creative spirit.

Take time for yourself.  Demand it, if necessary.  Steal it, if nothing else works.

The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another. ~ William James

Time, Schedules, and Crazy Life

Prepare for a whine.

Time?  Not enough.
Schedules?  Overrun
Crazy Life?  Totally

My #3 daughter is getting married in two weeks.  I'm not that involved in the wedding preparations, but I'm not completely out of the circle of planning and doing.  Just listening takes a lot of time.  Most days and weeks, I have that time.  Right now?  Uh, no.

#4 daughter, the youngest, is now working part-time in the office where #2 daughter works.  This means another pickup trip during mid-day.  I now have one drop-off and three pickups.  Longest period between each is less than three hours.  And that's only the weekdays.

Except for last weekend, every weekend is full until after the wedding.  Although the plans for the weekend fell through, youngest and I, along with oldest, spent time shopping for a dress I will wear to the wedding.  I'll be walking the bride down the aisle, so it does matter.  And I hate shopping for clothes!

But it's these next two weeks and weekends that may prove to be my undoing.  This week is parent/teacher conferences for grade schools in our city.  Since Wednesday, students have been let out at 1:30.  Next week, middle grade students will let out at 12:30...the same time I pick up youngest daughter at work.  And then Thursday and Friday, no school for everyone!  (That sound you hear is my headed banging on my desk.)  If I look on the bright side, that means no running back and forth to take and drop off students.  I'll accept that as a plus, but it means we're back to summertime madness for two...full...days.

Upcoming weekends include Woofstock, our state's Humane Society fundraiser, and this year we're taking Max.  I'll post photos next week.  The next weekend involves the bachelorette party at a local eat-and-drink club.  This is the first I'll get to attend.  Usually, I'm the babysitter.  This time I said NO.

The wedding, with reception, dinner and dance, is the final event.  Wouldn't a vacation be perfect after that?  But by then, I'll be in the middle of writing a proposal (3 chapters & full synopsis) for the next book, due a month later.

My plan was to have this current book polished and sent to my editor early.  My goal now (along with prayer) today and for this weekend is to finish that polish.  Yikes!  I'm almost two weeks behind on the schedule I made, but at least I'll make deadline.  Life does get in the way. I live by the old saying, "No rest for the wicked."

The point is that we all have schedules, and there are times in our lives that are more filled with to-do's than at others.  Crazy times.  We get through them, rest a while, then end up with our noses to the grindstones or hands on the steering wheel and foot on the gas pedal, only to do it all again.  It's the cycle of our lives.  Sometimes a short lull turns into a long and boring downtime, and we all know that isn't mentally healthy.  We all need goals to work toward...and those shouldn't be goals of sleeping the day and night away.  (That sounds heavenly!)  And we need those quiet times in between to catch our breaths.  We survive.

Make it fun, no matter what.  Get up and dance!

Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans. ~ John Lennon

♪♫ Let's Get Together, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah ♫♪

Yes, I'm old enough to remember the original Parent Trap movie.  I loved anything with Hayley Mills in it.  But this blog post isn't about Hayley or her movies or the cute song, Let's Get Together, that Hayley and, uh, Hayley sang in the movie, although it keeps running through my brain.  I decided to share about this past Saturday, when my writers group got together for our Fall Mini-Retreat.

Nothing can be beat a group of females talking about writing and stories and characters and cake--  Oops!  We ate the cake, baked and decorated by one of our members.  (Thanks T!)

Ten of us gathered in the large, comfy and peaceful clubhouse of a large apartment complex at ten in the morning, ready to kick back, relax, and talk writing.  And, boy, did we talk!  We shared information about our current WIPs (Works In Progress), then really got down to the best part:  Brainstorming.

I. Love. Brainstorming.  When I'm stuck or not sure of something in my WIP, I have a couple of friends who I can turn to, and they put me on the right track.  But I love brainstorming other writers "stuff" just as much.  Maybe even more!  It gets the brain working and puts it in creative mode.  After a brainstorming session, I often have lightbulb moments about my own story and characters.

If you've never had the chance to brainstorm with other writers, you've missed one of the best things about writing.  Each of us at the retreat took a turn presenting what our story is about, while everyone else asked questions and gave suggestions, especially if the author had hit a bump in the road of her story.  When that bump happens, there are ways to smooth out the road.  It takes asking questions, whether asked by you or by a fellow writer.  What kind of questions? Why questions.

Why

One of the biggest things that writers need to learn along the way is understanding and using character motivation.  If a character isn't motivated by something or someone, that character will fall flat, leading readers to close the book and toss it aside.  Motivation is what drives a character to think what he thinks and do what she does.  When first deciding on a character, ask yourself a few questions.  What does your character fear and why?  What happened in the character's past made him/her way?  What kind of family did your character come from?  What was the character's childhood like?  Without knowing these things, it's difficult to motivate a character's reason for doing whatever it is she or he is doing throughout the story.  Without motivation, there's no strong goal, and the stronger, the better.  Why does the hero want to be a police officer?  Why is the heroine so negative about marriage and relationships?  Why can't these two people, who are obviously made for each other, get together for a happily-ever-after?  (Aha!  Conflict!)

If you can't answer the why questions, dig a little deeper. Motivation is in the character's backstory.  It's the character's life history.  What would make someone do or not do something?  Want or not want something?  Was the hero's father a police officer?  Had the hero, as a child, run away, faced danger, and was rescued by a police officer?  Did the heroine grow up in a broken home, never getting the chance to get to know her father?  What about her mother?  What kind of person raised this girl?  Or maybe it's something more recent.  Was the heroine dumped at the altar at her wedding?  What was it that makes your character who he or she is at the beginning of the book?

Creating a character that will tug at the hearts of readers or make them laugh, isn't easy.  Knowing your characters is the key to writing a great book.  Do whatever it takes to make your characters come alive.  Getting to know them is the first step.

People don't suddenly appear at the age of twenty-four or thirty-two or whatever age in real life.  Neither should your character, even in the beginning of a book.  A character, just like each of us, is the sum of his life.  You need to know that character and what's happened to him, up to the point of where you begin to tell the story.  That motivation or backstory will help drive your character and your plot.

There are as many ways to "flesh out" a character--get to know them--as there are writers.  Some writers choose to create a character profile of each of the main characters, right down to what books they read and the color of their socks.  Some writers start by writing some dialogue between characters.  Or they might let the characters, one at a time, tell the writer about themselves.  (Yes, we're a crazy bunch, who hear voices in our heads.)  Some writers do a character interview, asking the character simple questions that can become more complex as the interview goes on.  This can often lead to surprises for the writer!  He had a sister who disappeared?!

I've used each of those methods at one time or another, but usually by the time I'm ready to start plotting or writing, those characters have spent enough time in my head that I know them pretty well.  There are lots of times when I wish they'd be quiet!  Practicing some of the techniques above will eventually lead you to what works best for you...and your characters.  But whatever method you use, it never hurts to try something new, when your usual way doesn't work.

That's where brainstorming with a group or even one writer friend can help.  Be sure to keep an open mind, while brainstorm.  Others don't see your characters as you do.  They haven't experienced the same things that you have--or your characters have.  Sometimes we might think the ideas of others don't "fit" our idea of our character, but if we listen, something suggested might turn us down another road in the life of a character and lead to the perfect answer to why.  And that's what makes brainstorming so great.

GMC.  Goal.  Motivation.  Conflict.  (Thanks, Deb Dixon!)  There's no required order to think of it at the beginning of an idea.  Maybe you know your character's conflict first.  Maybe it will be the character's goal.  And maybe you'll have an idea of the character's motivation.  Just keep in mind that it takes all three to make well-rounded, interesting, and believable character that readers will love.  Or hate, because, yes, even the villain should have all three.

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. ~ Mark Twain

Follow the Yellow Brick Road

My apologies for the missed blog last week and this week's being late.  My daughter's bridal shower was held last Saturday, and the days prior to it were filled with chaos.  Such is life. :)

Yes, it's goal-setting time again!

Fall is quickly sneaking up on us, although a high of 92 yesterday made that hard to believe.  But we're cooler today, and fall is in the air.  Fall is my favorite season for just about anything. :)

I've never been a "scheduled" person.  Most schedules have been given to me.  With four daughters, there were schedules set by others (school, Girl Scouts, sports, drama, etc.) that I had to follow to keep life within the bounds of sanity.  Add in the fact that we were a farm family, and nature dictated our schedules.  I am, by nature, a fairly laid back person.  There are those who might say I tend toward laziness, but I chalk that up to my being a more cerebral personality.  (Hey!  It sounds good, right?)  But over the years, I realized that, although I could get things done without a schedule and long-term goals, life often became chaotic.  And sometimes those goals were pushed aside.

I've had to re-evaluate, over the years.  I've learned to do things in different ways.  I've learned that setting goals, especially with writing, keeps me going.  I really like proving to my inner critic that I can do what I set out to do.

That re-evaluation took time.  My current manuscript will be my fifteenth published book.  While that isn't a large number for some, when I look back, I see how much I've grown, not only as a writer, but as a person.  And I expect to continue growing.  I continue to learn.  School is always in session!

One of the keys to setting goals is making adjustments.  This particular book has been filled with those.  But this time I didn't sit on my hands, waiting for news of a contract or rejection.  I put my butt in my chair and my hands on the keyboard (aka BIC-HOC) and worked on other manuscripts.  In just over two months, I wrote two books.  Luckily, the first three chapters of both books had been written and only needed some small changes.  No deadlines, no parameters with the plots or stories, I wrote for myself.  This did two things for me.

1. For the first time in several years, I wrote with the freedom to tell stories that didn't fit the parameters of what's currently selling.  My only goal was to finish them and discover how long it might take me.
2. When I finally received the contract for the current book, I was able to jump right into writing it, without the usual warm-up time. (HINT:  If you don't keep the writing muscles toned, getting back into writing after a long spell of non-writing, it takes a while get "in the writing groove.")

You don't have to be published to set goals!

I learned to set goals early on when I decided (actually was coerced by my writing friend) to enter writing contests.  The deadline was then set for me, and I had to set smaller goals to reach that big one.  I entered many.  Results varied.  And knowing in advance that if, by some crazy chance, my entry might lead to a request for a partial or full, I made sure the entire manuscript was finished.  You know, just in case. ;)  That paid off for me.  I'd been making the final rounds in some contests, earning second and third, but had never won a contest.  For the first time, I entered a contest without having finished the manuscript.  While it was being sent out to judges, I finished it.  That entry one first place in the Georgia Romance Writers Maggie Contest and the full manuscript was requested by the senior editor of the publishing line I'd targeted.  All I had to do was a quick polish, and off it went.  Eventually, it became my first Silhouette Romance, Rachel's Rescuer.  The door had opened.

With that open door came deadlines...and revisions and edits, oh my!  I felt like Dorothy in the Land of Oz.  Fitting, considering I'm a Kansas girl.  I learned to write on a fairly daily basis.  Those revisions had to be made and had to be done by deadline.

The road to publication has twists and turns.  Sometimes, along the way to that first contract offer, I wanted to give up the fight, become a "normal" person and stop writing.  But determination and some pushy friends kept me going.  So did one thought.

If I quit now, I'll never know if I might have made it.

 I landed on the Yellow Brick Road.  That road contains twists and turns.  Silhouette Romance closed, and I had to find a different line where my writing fit.  It took a while.

Sometimes the Wicked Witch of the West came along to try to stop me. That Wicked Witch being the Demon of Self-Doubt.  I still haven't found the bucket of water to throw on her and probably never will, but there will always be times when I laugh in her face and tell her that she won't get the Ruby Slippers.  I will write.  I will set goals.  I will reach those goals.

Now is the time for all good writers to set goals.  If you're not a goal-setter, start small.  Start slow.  Use your brain, as the Tin Man did.  Keep writing--on a fairly regular schedule--so you don't have time to rust, as the Tin Man did.  Be courageous, as the Cowardly Lion did, and submit your work, whether to a critique group, contests, or editors.  You'll find many Wizards to help you along the way!

It really was no miracle. What happened was just this... ~ Dorothy Gale in The Wizard of Oz

School is in Session

When we think of learning, we think of school.  But that's really narrow-minded.  School is only one part of learning and not even the first part.  We begin to learn the moment we're born.  We shouldn't stop until we breathe our last breath.

We learn by instruction, doing, and keeping our eyes, ears, and minds open.  That last--keeping ourselves open, is probably the most important, because without it, instruction and doing will often fail.

I'll be the first in the line that's formed for those who have learned by mistake.  That doesn't mean I give up.  I keep trying.  I keep learning.

Knowledge is like the tip of an iceberg.  What we know is above the water, and it may seem abundant, but below the water is the real stuff.  That's what we don't know, but should learn.  Add the ocean water surrounding it, and it seems endless.  Learning is endless.

One of the ways I learn, other than by all those mistakes, is sharing with others.  Yesterday evening, I attended my critique group meeting.  There are four of us, all writers.  Two of us are published, and the other two are on their way to being published.  None of us would ever say we know everything.  All of us share and continue to learn.

How do we learn?  For me, it's three things.  Seeing, doing, and sharing.

Seeing

As I'm sure I've stated before, I'm visual.  Seeing things helps.  That's why I always took copious notes in school.  Hearing it just didn't do the trick.  Writing it and seeing the words or drawings or whatever was needed, helped embed it in my brain aka learn.  I find that a bit strange, because I loved being read to as a child.  Of course, once I learned to ready on my own, it changed and became better.

I've critiqued with others for over fifteen years in both written and verbal form.  Written works better for me, whether on the giving or getting end.  In our group, we each read our work to be critiqued.  Sure, I can do it, but give me a paper with print on it, and I'll do a much better job.  Still, something is better than nothing, and sometimes hearing something will make a good thing or a not so good thing jump out.  Yes, we writers are storytellers, but we tell our stories with the written word.  I am eternally grateful to writers.  I might miss the good stuff, otherwise.

Doing

When I came home from critique group last night, my daughter was watching a spin-off of Dance Moms on TV.  I don't watch a lot of TV, myself.  I have a few favorites that are must-sees, but I don't watch every night.  Not that I've always been that way, but to have the time to write and read, I gave up a lot of TV.  One of the judges--if you've ever watched Dance Moms, you'll know who this is--never sugar coats anything.  She's blunt, sometimes to the point of rude.  But the point I see and that she made on the show last night was that the young people who are dancing at competitions are professional dancers.  It isn't easy, it often isn't fun, and it takes a lot of hard work, learning routines, steps, and all the other things that go along with being professional.

After the program was over, I turned to my daughter and said,  "If they can't take the judge's criticism, they need to find a new dream."  Harsh?  Yes.  True.  Yes.  Those young people will have to learn that there will always be criticism.  "It's like getting rejections," I said.  "It hurts.  It can really hurt.  And often we (writers) will quit or at least want to.  Many of us don't.  We simply try harder, keep learning and working toward our dream, whatever it may be."

That's "doing."  Those revisions, those critique groups, those contests we enter, and those rejection letters we collect on the way are all a part of learning.  We learn and grow and make changes.

Sharing

After joining RWA and my local writers' group, I discovered that the people involved in writing, especially romance writers, are over-the-top generous.  The sharing and helping goes on wherever you look.  Conferences and conference workshops, writers' groups, critique groups and writing friends are always there to lend an ear, a suggestion, a hand to pull us up when we're down.

I've already stated that I'm a pantster turned plotter.  Over almost twenty years of writing, I've created and learned how to plot in a way I can understand.  Like me, it isn't perfect.  It didn't come instantly.  Everyone has his/her own way to do it.  I'm always looking for ways to tweak "my way," especially when I hit a bump in the writing or plotting.  I ask others how they go about planning their story.  Often, there's a small grain of something I can use to help make my plotting and writing better.  And I'll share the way I do it, too.  Isn't that what sharing is all about?

Never, never, never be afraid to ask questions.  That's one of the best ways to gain knowledge.  And when the table is turned and a question is asked, offer your own experiences, good and bad.

We'll never know everything, and that's okay, because it's nice to keep learning.  An "aha" moment is worth it's weight in gold.  Happy learning!

The world is a university and everyone in it is a teacher.  Make sure when you wake up in the morning you to go school. ~ Bishop T.D. Jakes